They're not f***ing Viennese... whirls

Wolfgang Strauss IV, the head of the Vienna bakers guild was visiting a friend in the Cotswolds. He nipped into a Sainsbury's Local in the middle of Stroud and spotted a box of Mr Kipling's Viennese whirls; intrigued, he purchased them along with a multipack of flavoured condoms - just in case.

Back in the parlour of his friend, Cecil, he unwrapped the treats and along with a cup of tea began to nibble on one.

Two days later he was dragged, kicking and punching, from the reception area of the Kipling factory in Carlton, West Yorkshire. Outraged at the proud heritage of Viennese pastries being associated with these tiny swirled abominations, he had demanded the name be changed… when they laughed at him he began to undress in the foyer and urinated in a particularly attractive philodendron all the while screaming Austrian obscenities. He had turned and, his face vermilion from the strain, was trying to force out a poo when the security guards arrived and wrestled him to the ground.

It seems Viennese Whirls have fuck all to do with Vienna! Who'd have thought it. But Mr Kipling's crap version aside (although I'll be honest they're pretty good too) they are delicious! Here's a posh one with blackcurrant jam and Mascarpone cream for you in juice form.

The buttery light almost cake like biscuits are recreated using Molinberrys butter my biscuit and WF's new sugar cookie. I've added a little of MB legendary custard to fill in that soft mouthfeel once they hit your tongue and melt. A mix of CCW and MB blackcurrants along with a touch of VTA jam it makes a pretty tasty smear of jam. And a daub of WF mascarpone completes that middle filth pretty wonderfully. Sugar daddy is just to sweeten slightly you can use your preferred sweetener at your preferred level. This is better with a little steep but tasted ok off the shake too.