"Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"
A rich, voluptuous smoked vanilla custard with a hint of dark tobacco. Tastes like sin.
Cap Vanilla Custard + INW Custard + INW Creme Brulee = My Current Custardstone.
These ratios are more or less my favorite, though if I'm topping this custard with fruit, I normally start the CAP VC at 4%. However, 5% is perfect here, because it really stands up against the smoke notes, and makes the whole experience more... rapturously rich.
THE BLACK MAGIC:
Even if you're nervous about tobaccos, do not omit the INW Black for Pipe, please! It keeps the “smokiness” of the recipe from being too one-note, and adds this really bewitching, dark complexity to the vanilla. This is not a tobacco recipe, but it needs the mystery that INW Back for Pipe brings.
FA Black Fire bumps up that pagan bonfire note, and DIYFS's Holy Vanilla has never tasted so unholy. It's as sweet as the devil whispering in your ear.
INSPIRATION/THE RAMBLING ASIDE:
I'd like to say this recipe has no culinary reference, but one night, about 3 days after I mixed it, I happened upon what turned out to be my favorite episode of “A Cook's Tour” on Netflix.
If you've never seen “A Cook's Tour”, I can't say that I actually recommend it. The production values are horrible, especially in light of Bourdain's other shows like “No Reservations” or the masterfully shot and edited “Parts Unknown”.
Still, food shows are my heroin, and a major source of cooking/mixing inspiration, so even though I found “A Cook's Tour” mostly hard to watch, Season 1 Episode 18 “The French Laundry Experience” is an absolute gem, and is so friggin' hot it pretty much qualifies as porn for me.
Specifically, at one point during the dessert orgy at French Laundry, Thomas Keller serves Anthony Bourdain a tobacco leaf and coffee custard as a sort of cheeky homage to the bad-boy chef, reducing him to a giggling, blushing schoolgirl. It was the first of a few ah-ha! moments for me, because I felt like my desire to include tobacco in a custard recipe wasn't so weird after all. It also made me think that adding a tiny bit of coffee flavoring might be a nice touch in future iterations.
The next ah-ha! moment came when, after 40 days of struggling with my impatience, I cracked open my batch of Black Phillip that I swore I wouldn't touch for at least 2 months, and tested it. Turns out that one wildcard ingredient that might not work, the Inawera Classic Black for Pipe, was right at home in that dark, smoky whirl of decadent custard fog. It definitely wasn't “ready” yet, but it hinted at some unusual and intriguing things to come.
It's now been steeping for about 50 days, and I've already decided I'm immediately mixing 2 more 60ml batches, at least one of which I hope to steep long term, like 3 months minimum, but ideally until late October, early November, when the smoky, lightly sweet complexity should shine like a beacon against a chilly autumn night.
Oh, and another thing, this recipe is a madman with a cup of coffee in the morning.
A sweet & mild cherry pipe tobacco with some lightly creamy vanilla/almond notes.
This is a great "transitional" recipe for those squirrely about tobacco vapes, as the tobaccos are mild and dessert-y, and the dominant note is a bright, non-medicinal cherry.
I mixed this on 12/19/16 and am just trying it now on 2/15/17, so I can't give a definitive steep time, but where tobaccos are involved, anywhere from 2-4 weeks is probably ideal.
The perfect, simple, cream & sugared cup of coffee through the sweet looking glass of nostalgia.
I had my first cup of coffee in 1979 when I was six years old at the Marietta diner in Georgia at 1AM on a family road trip. This recipe is a love letter to one of my fondest childhood memories.
RECIPE NOTES/SUGGESTED SUBSTITUTIONS
THE COFFEE MF Coffee & FA Tiramisu: I know the first question anyone will have is "Can I substitute the Medicine Flower Coffee in this?" the short answer is a resounding "Nope!" It's expensive, it's tough to mix with, the steep time is infuriating, and MF will short you out of at least 3ml of your costly 15ml bottle every time. It is still the best coffee flavoring you will ever get your hands on in this life, at least for the moment. If you truly want a delicious coffee vape with no skunky weirdness or dessert-like fuckery, bite the bullet and grab some MF Coffee. FA Tiramisu, aptly nicknamed "Booster", does exactly that, and gives it a nice little roasty/richness/sweetness boost to it at 0.50% without turning it into some overly-sweet Starbucked-up abomination. You might be able to sub this with INW Mocca, but, despite having this flavor, I've not tried it, and couldn't guess at a good percentage other than to say maybe 1% or less.
THE CREAM TFA Bavarian Cream, CAP Sweet Cream, CAP Vanilla Whipped Cream & CAP Marshmallow: I'm in love with TFA Bavarian Cream, and at 2% it perfectly balances that coffee, wrapping it in rich, snuggly creaminess without weighing it down too much. This you can absolutely substitute at the same percentage with your Bavarian Cream of choice, be it Lorann's, Jungle Flavor's, or Flavor West's, it's all good. CAP Sweet Cream adds a sweet dairy note, and lifts the Bavarian Cream out of the pudding zone. If you don't have it, a blend of 1% FLV Cream or FA Cream Fresh and 0.5% Vienna Cream will work, too. CAP Vanilla Whipped Cream adds a nice complexity to the cream, and at 1.5% doesn't add enough of a vanilla note to complicate matters. You can sub this with TFA Vanilla Swirl at the same percentage, but, CAP WC is just so much better here. And, finally, CAP Marshmallow at 1.5% makes the whole thing thick and lush, giving you satisfying, pillowy clouds, but, don't bother if you have Capella's "new" version of Marshmallow, because it's not the same thing, sadly. They introduced this modified version to deal with the global shortage of Tahitian vanilla, and it's a serious step down in quality. If you still have some OG Capella Marshmallow on hand use it for this, because it's perfect. (You can tell because it's dark brown in color and smells like vanilla sugar in the bottle. The New stuff is pale yellow and smells like nothing in the bottle.) If not, you can sub it with 1.5% TFA Marshmallow, or a mix of 1% TFA Marshmallow & 0.5% FA Marshmallow if you're feeling fancy.
Okay, so, this next part sucks, and I'm sorry, but, you cannot rush this recipe. It takes a full month to steep, minimum and not a second before. (Honestly, even longer is better) Don't mix it with a milk frother. Don't try to speed it up with heat/ultrasonic. Don't. Don't. Don't. Just make sure all of the flavors are meticulously shaken before they're dripped in, add your nicotine and preferred base, cap it tightly, shake the bejeezus out of it, note the day you mixed it and put it away somewhere cool and dark for at least 30 days. MF Coffee goes through some pretty gross and weird changes throughout the steeping process, and after more than a year and a half of working on this recipe, with countless revisions, I promise you, it won't be where it should be any sooner than that.
But, I swear, after that 30+ days is up, what you'll find in that bottle is a dark, rich, authentic cup of coffee with cream and a little sugar and nothing more. If you want to add anything else to it, please, go nuts, because I'm dying to see what people add to this base, but, all I was looking for from the start was just a real and accurate coffee vape. So, I beg you to mix this up 1:1 first, so you can taste it in all it's simple, satisfying glory.
Excellent variations I've found include: 1% DIYFS Holy Vanilla (or FA Vanilla Bourbon or CAP French Vanilla), or 0.30% FLV Rich Cinnamon, or a mix of 0.50% FLV Caramel & 0.50% FLV Butterscotch for some uber-sweet Starbucks style dessert-coffee-milkshake nonsense. I also imagine FW Butterscotch Ripple, FW Butter Pecan or FW Hazelnut would be bitchin', but I've not tried any of those yet, because I tend to find the recipe as-posted more than satisfying.
So, there you have it! I've said, and heard, for so long that there is no such thing as a good coffee vape that this recipe was more-or-less finished in May 2016, but, I've fearfully sat on it all this time, because I really wondered if it was as good as I thought it was. Which is why I'd like to thank user fairtradesloth for taking a leap of faith, buying all the ingredients, mixing it up, then coming back with the feedback that gave me the courage to finally post it. He's the real MVP!
This is purely a concept recipe I happened upon while watching an episode of Bob's Burgers. The burger of the day was "The Fig Lebowski", so I thought to myself; "Self... the Dude likes White Russians... I wonder if figs go with coffee, chocolate and cream." Well, according to the Flavor Bible they do, so, off I went.
The result is surprisingly delicious. Smooth, creamy, with a subtle, dark fruitiness, it almost reminds me of a pipe tobacco! (a touch of your favorite tobacco wouldn't go amiss here) The INW Mocca is just a hint, but it's there. I bet you could swap the ratios between that and CAP Fig if it's more to your taste, but, though this is a first draft, I'm hesitant to mess with it too much, because it's really quite nice where it is.
A louched glass of absinthe with luscious, ripe berries and a sprig of mint muddled in. Sophisticated & strange. Incredible with cocktails. 100% Shake & Vape.
This is just a (heavily modified, shake & vape-able) remix of my "Glaistig" recipe with an upgraded absinthe flavor, so, if you don't have Decadent Vapours' Absinthe, you can still mix this up using the original recipe here: https://alltheflavors.com/recipes/2912#glaistig_by_runtdastardly
A rich, decadent, banana custard tart. Not a shake-n-vape, needs at least a 4-week steep for the custards to develop properly, but thoroughly worth the wait.
A creamy vanilla milkshake with Fruity Pebbles whizzed in, topped with a dollop of whipped cream.
Tasty enough as a shake-n-vape, but gets much better after a week when the Fruity Flakes calm down and the Hazelnut, VBIC & Vanilla Swirl blossom into more of a malted vanilla milkshake.
Willy hears ya' about the sugars in FW Fruity Flakes. Willy don't care.
A sinfully butter-rich lemon poundcake drizzled with light, sweet, cream cheese icing.
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