The Moist Melancholy of Eddie Vedder

Seattle 1993. Backstage at the Mercer centre we find Vedder slumped over and sobbing as Stone Gossard tries in vain to comfort him. Breathe in through your nose, man… he began, but Vedder pushed him away fiercely.

Once the situation calmed a little, things were still incredibly tense as the band were due on stage very soon, Ed managed to explain to them what was wrong. He had been smoking a delicious hookah tobacco with a 'fan' that afternoon and thoroughly enjoying the experience. He'd been surprised at the look and feel of the tobacco, it's moisture was incredible but the smoke was full and delicious. When the bowl burned out, Mark Arm of rival group Mudhoney removed his prosthetic mask and pissed himself laughing. Fuck you Vedder, you're gonna bomb tonight, he proclaimed before showing a stunned Vedder his bare ass and leaving… it took ten minutes for him to realise his trademark vocal cords had been saturated!

He'd been smoking Marlboroughs ever since but to no avail. If they went on like this it would be like Rick Astley fronting Pearl Jam, that couldn't happen!

McCready lowered his guitar with a panicked look. How could you be so fucking stupid, man? Vedder burst into tears again, his shoulders shaking as his head drooped forward, his hands wrung. I've got a plan, said Vic one of the roadies who'd been listening from the corridor. We need cat litter.

It wasn't ideal, having to strain a fresh length of kitten shit from a tray they'd found at a local fans house, but time was of the essence. Eddie gargled the gritty cat litter for twenty minutes, risking toxoplasmosis for his baying audience. As Vedder strode out on stage he wasn't confident but kicking off with 'Rearviewmirror' it seemed to have worked. Mark Arm took a piss in his pint cup shielded by the crowd and aimed it at Vedder in disgust.

This is a little triumph of a mix, I don't know if it really has a hookah feel as I've not tried it, I certainly don't know if it will make you sing like Astley… but it's a moist and quite delicious little number. The flavorah tobaccos are the backbone, the touch of FA oak could be replaced with flavorah Oak Barrel but I'd go in even lower. Then the moisteners. Lovage root is a revelation, it really helps flesh out tobaccos and I will be playing with it elsewhere as it's very interesting. The ameretto sour was a risk, but it works a treat with the tobacco, citrus and a cherryesque marzipanny type of note no discernible alcohol to me. I can't tell you what this really tastes like as a whole except awesome. It's quite possibly the best fucked up wet tobacco thing with ameretto yet 😂. Enjoy.